the worst advice ive ever recieved:

"having control is everything
even if that means sabotaging everything you have"

this really got me to think.
it hurt my heart a little for a bunch of different reasons.
but maybe in the end, that's all everyone wants.
some sort of control in their lives.

I feel like

when i am contended i cannot seem to write as well as i do when i am miserable.

but i am just so lucky.
even though i dont feel it sometimes.

i guess what i'll never understand

Is why some people feel the need to be loved by ultimately everybody.

You've got one person on your side, and they love you more than everyone in the entire world and you go and fuck them over because their love isn't enough for you.
I wonder what type of person you think you are.
Do you think you're so great that you deserve more than them?
Do you think you're so great that one girl isn't enough for you?

You are nothing.
Fuck you.

x

you're everything to me.

I can feel you.
I know you are there
with me in the darkness
with me in the light
I can feel your hand around my heart
gripping it
like it is yours.
It is yours.

I can feel you in my bed
laying with me when i sleep
you are with me in the darkness
and the nightmares
where you live.

I can feel you
holding me when i wake.
And kissing me when I cry.
You said you would be mine
until the day you die.

I can feel you
breathing for me
though you are not alive.
I can feel
you here with me
just making up for lost time.

...we're all mad here:

"The thought of getting older
And regretting things that I have done
Only one thing made me notice
How I failed to keep my precious one

And though I know that
You are with me always
It still makes me cry

How time just passes
I can't believe
How much I miss you
Life keeps blowing past us
I can't believe
That you're not with me"
-For the Boy - Neurosonic

I posted that song earlier in my blog, I'm listening to it now.
It still has the same effect on me as it did.
It's well pretty.

The past week has been awful for me,
I feel strange. I keep thinking of bad things.
Things that could happen, things that have already happened, things that would never happen.
Thoughts like to sit in my head, dormant, until they see a proper time to come out and torture me.

I feel alone alot of the time.
Alone in a crowd of people, almost.
It's not something I'm used to.

It feels like there's an elephant sitting on my chest.

Words:

Are my weapons.

Words are on my side,
they have no opinion that is not my own.
They take the shape and form that I give them.

I am a ruler,
a tyrant over my own people,
I breathe life into the letters.

They are meaningless,
without meaning that I give them.
They are nothing without me.

Miss Lucy had some leeches:

Well, I suppose it's been a while since I last blogged.
It's 2009 now, and things aren't the same as they were in my last post. Nothing stays the same for long, it seems.

The reason I've started writing again is because of my sophomore journalism class. We have to use this site to update our class blog. I'm using this old account because I'm too lazy to make a new one, and besides, it's quite interesting to look back at what I've written previously. I mean, my first post goes on about Jon White. I haven't seen Jon since two summers ago, which could be defined as either a shame, or a blessing.

It's very strange to think of two summers ago. All the people I had just seen around town are now basically my second family. I'm dating the big scary kid who laughed at Sarah for commenting on his shirt. It's just all so weird I think, to see how everything played out almost perfectly for me. It's mindblowing.